I had secretly been expecting this, but had been so strongly hoping that this wouldn't be the case that it was still blindsiding. I leave for the Portland airport to go to South Africa (theoretically, now) on Monday night or Tuesday morning. That is five days away.
And today my invoice for the fundraising results came in and I found out the results of my tireless fundraising and 30+ letters I had sent out. $0. I raised $0 dollars so far. Truly, I know that OAMC is run by all volunteers, and that there was probably no way that I could have gotten this invoice before now, but still it would have been nice to know that I owed the the entire amount before now! This is crunch week. No idea how this will work out.
Thankfully I had the funds to buy my own plane ticket a few weeks ago, which means that I need to somehow come up with *only* $2,000 more in less than a week. This is the most stressed I have ever been in my life.
It is just incredibly depressing that somehow, even despite doing everything correctly, I've failed somehow. Right now it's impossible for me even to think of logical options. Choices. How can I do this?
The worst is knowing that somehow, this is failure.
Four weeks ago my plans for right now were to be working for a company called NorthWest Youth Corps (NYC) doing trail conservation work in a Wilderness area. It took a combination of realizing that my back was not well enough to do this, and feeling incredibly drawn to OAMC's (Oregon Adventist Mens Chorus) mission in Africa while helping the staff ladies at a rehearsal plan to change my plans. The sermon given that night at the rehearsal clicked for me. I thought to myself that I was being drawn to this for a reason. Things got even more amazing when I got a school grant that I was not expecting from last year's school that allowed me to buy a ticket without relying on fundraising for that.
Even more exciting was when I realized that I could visit a close friend in Germany on the way home with little to no extra expense and hassle.
It seemed like a supernatural thing,, how easily things were falling into place.
Except they didn't.
This is such a depressing post that I ought to delete it and write something peppy, uplifting, full of Bible verses and reasons why you guys ought to help me out, because, seriously, I have over 300 facebook friends. If each of them sent me $10, that would be more than enough. If all of you got a friend to send me $5, and you each sent me $5, that would also be more than enough! If half of you sent $20 each, I'd be covered with some extra to help someone else go.
This isn't eloquent, inspiring, or even fluent. But this is honest, true, and exactly how I feel right now. Helpless. My excited fundraising letter completely failed. This will now take a miracle to pull off and I don't know how to make it happen.
My brother fundraised enough to get himself to a mission trip in Alaska where he is right now. We did the exact same things. What went wrong for me? He's gotten the support of his community twice to go on different mission trips; the previous one was in Albania. My last mission trip to Mexico in 2008 actually went poorly also. My fundraising efforts then also failed, and I barely managed to scrape it all together by working several summer jobs at once, and borrowing some money which I paid back later that autumn. So I must assume that it's me; something I'm doing is wrong.
If you want an excited, happy reason why you should help contribute or donate somehow, the first post in this blog explains all that.
For all of you that prayed for me, can't afford to help, kept me in your thoughts, or told your friends about it, thank you so very much. Keep praying for me. But I could also use some fiscal support.
And today my invoice for the fundraising results came in and I found out the results of my tireless fundraising and 30+ letters I had sent out. $0. I raised $0 dollars so far. Truly, I know that OAMC is run by all volunteers, and that there was probably no way that I could have gotten this invoice before now, but still it would have been nice to know that I owed the the entire amount before now! This is crunch week. No idea how this will work out.
Thankfully I had the funds to buy my own plane ticket a few weeks ago, which means that I need to somehow come up with *only* $2,000 more in less than a week. This is the most stressed I have ever been in my life.
It is just incredibly depressing that somehow, even despite doing everything correctly, I've failed somehow. Right now it's impossible for me even to think of logical options. Choices. How can I do this?
The worst is knowing that somehow, this is failure.
Four weeks ago my plans for right now were to be working for a company called NorthWest Youth Corps (NYC) doing trail conservation work in a Wilderness area. It took a combination of realizing that my back was not well enough to do this, and feeling incredibly drawn to OAMC's (Oregon Adventist Mens Chorus) mission in Africa while helping the staff ladies at a rehearsal plan to change my plans. The sermon given that night at the rehearsal clicked for me. I thought to myself that I was being drawn to this for a reason. Things got even more amazing when I got a school grant that I was not expecting from last year's school that allowed me to buy a ticket without relying on fundraising for that.
Even more exciting was when I realized that I could visit a close friend in Germany on the way home with little to no extra expense and hassle.
It seemed like a supernatural thing,, how easily things were falling into place.
Except they didn't.
This is such a depressing post that I ought to delete it and write something peppy, uplifting, full of Bible verses and reasons why you guys ought to help me out, because, seriously, I have over 300 facebook friends. If each of them sent me $10, that would be more than enough. If all of you got a friend to send me $5, and you each sent me $5, that would also be more than enough! If half of you sent $20 each, I'd be covered with some extra to help someone else go.
This isn't eloquent, inspiring, or even fluent. But this is honest, true, and exactly how I feel right now. Helpless. My excited fundraising letter completely failed. This will now take a miracle to pull off and I don't know how to make it happen.
My brother fundraised enough to get himself to a mission trip in Alaska where he is right now. We did the exact same things. What went wrong for me? He's gotten the support of his community twice to go on different mission trips; the previous one was in Albania. My last mission trip to Mexico in 2008 actually went poorly also. My fundraising efforts then also failed, and I barely managed to scrape it all together by working several summer jobs at once, and borrowing some money which I paid back later that autumn. So I must assume that it's me; something I'm doing is wrong.
If you want an excited, happy reason why you should help contribute or donate somehow, the first post in this blog explains all that.
For all of you that prayed for me, can't afford to help, kept me in your thoughts, or told your friends about it, thank you so very much. Keep praying for me. But I could also use some fiscal support.
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteIt is important to differentiate between disappointment and failure. You have not failed and this is not failure. This is disappointment! You have done much correctly. Failure will raise it's ugly head when you give up or quit. TO ANYONE ELSE READING THIS POST: I'm the conductor of the OAMC. I know Sarah and she would be a great asset on this mission trip. The initiatives we are undertaking are significant and far-reaching. The opportunities to learn and expand ones understanding of global, community dynamics provide that "once in a lifetime opportunity." Sarah is worthy. Invest in her! You'll be glad you did! Lou Wildman